The Weight You Were Never Meant to Carry
For years, I held on to the things that I could not come to terms with. My mother’s death, failed relationships (familial, romantic, and platonic), a stalled career path, and a lack of growth in my personal life. I could not let go of the picture I had in my head of what my life should look like. The white picket fence, husband, two children, and thriving career were not my reality, but what was frightening was that, as time passed, it seemed they would never happen.
The thought of letting go of that picture filled me with a deep sadness, which made me hold on to it even more.
Each attempt to make the picture as I thought it should be ended in disappointment. I kept trying to force outcomes that were clearly not God’s plan for my life. When you try to force things to happen that are not for you, you will be met with resistance in the form of failures and feelings of discontent.
Over time, I came to terms with the fact that I had to let go of the picture and enjoy the life I had. It was not until I let go that I was able to fully enjoy life. Once I let go, life opened up for me in ways I could only imagine.
Letting go is not about giving up; it is about gaining peace. As a person whose mantra used to be “When there is a will, there is a way,” I struggled with the idea that I was giving up. That I was quitting on myself. But what I gained was peace that passed all understanding. Letting go of a dream is never easy, but sometimes what is waiting for you on the other side is a new dream that fulfills you in a way you did not think was possible.
I wish I had released the picture earlier because it really weighed me down and postponed the joy I had come to know.
Sometimes the reason we feel heavy is that we are holding on to things we were never meant to carry.
We hold onto thoughts, expectations, and emotional weights that load us down.
Here are 8 things you may need to release to feel lighter, calmer, and more at peace.
8 Things to Let Go Of
- The Need to Control Everything
I thought I was controlling everything that happened in my life, but God showed me. Life is unpredictable. You can carefully map out your life’s plan and here comes a death, an accident, or some other tragedy to turn that plan upside down.
It is at this point that we realize that while we control many facets of our lives, we are all part of a greater plan that we must make allowances for. Though many of us pride ourselves on our accomplishments, we cannot control everything.
Trying to control everything creates anxiety. Control is often an illusion. Letting go of the need to manage every outcome invites peace and unexpected joy, allowing life to unfold in its own unique way. Embracing uncertainty can lead to new experiences and personal growth that you may have otherwise missed.
- Overthinking Every Situation
I went from a “Just Do It” person to overthinking every situation. Ruminating over every decision caused a lot of anxiety. Fearing making the wrong move can not only cause anxiety but can also stop you from making any decisions at all.
Sometimes the best decision you can make is taking action instead of being paralyzed with fear. Constantly replaying what decision you should make or could have made will not lead you to the opportunities or growth that you seek. This will drain your energy and cause you to lack clarity.
Trust yourself and believe that you have made the best possible choice for what the situation requires.
Remember, trust yourself and embrace the road ahead.
- Past Mistakes and Regret
We cannot change the past. No matter how hard we may try. Constantly dwelling on past mistakes is not good for our mental health. All it will do is make us feel horrible and wish we had made better choices. While that is our desire, it does not change the present.
Some of us have shame and guilt associated with our mistakes and regret. This can make us feel terrible about the past decisions we have made that may have affected our lives and the lives of others. Shame and guilt will only weigh you down.
You did the best you could with what you knew.
Ask yourself, “What is the lesson I learned from this mistake?” and move on. Use those lessons to make better choices in the future.
You are allowed to grow beyond your past.
The past cannot define your future unless you let it.
- People-Pleasing
When we live to please others, sometimes we lose ourselves. Many times, we may lose ourselves trying to keep others happy. In our people-pleasing, we say yes when we mean no. We deny our true feelings, afraid that we may disappoint others. Instead, we disappoint ourselves.
Learning to prioritize and say no to what drains you allows you to focus on what truly matters. You do not have to earn your place through self-sacrifice.
Trying to please others to earn their love and respect will leave you feeling depleted.
You do not have to earn your worth. You are worthy of love simply because you exist, not because of what you do or give.
Let your yes be yes, and your no be your no.
- Comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy. Measuring your life against others’ lives is a sure-fire way to lower your self-esteem. You cannot compare your journey with someone else’s. They may have had more resources, more connections, and more support than you. Their day 100 might be your day 1.
Everyone has diverse ways to reach their goals, but what truly matters is that you reach your destination, not how.
These days, social media can play a big part in how we compare ourselves. I always say, “You can’t compare someone’s highlight reel to your life.” Social media has a way of only showing the best parts of our lives while leaving out our struggles. Everyone has both good and bad things that happen in life. Do not let social media trick you into believing that both good and bad do not happen to everyone.
Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.
- Unrealistic Expectations
When we set unrealistic expectations, the chance of failure is much greater. If we do not meet these expectations, we will feel failure is our norm.
Some of this can stem from being a perfectionist. Expecting perfection from yourself and others is unrealistic.
Setting unrealistic expectations will also make us feel like we are not doing enough, but I assure you, you are.
You do not have to be perfect. You are allowed to be a work in progress.
- Toxic Relationships or Environments
There is nothing more draining than a toxic relationship or a toxic environment.
Toxic relationships are not worthy of your time or energy. Sometimes we outgrow people, and that is ok. If every time you are around someone, you feel drained, embarrassed, angry, or detached, it may be time to let them go. You can care about someone and decide they can no longer be a part of your journey. Release them with love. Sometimes that will require a conversation, and sometimes no contact, but do it.
Toxic environments can be detrimental to your mental health. Whether it is a job, organization, or home, if your physical or emotional safety is threatened, it is best to leave. Leaving these environments is not always easy; sometimes there is a lot invested, whether that be time or money. When your livelihood depends on you being in this environment, it can be difficult to leave, but if you can make an exit plan that will not harm you, do it.
Not every connection is meant to continue.
- The Pressure to Have It All Figured Out
No one has it all figured out. They may have a good plan, but they do not have every part down to an exact science. You cannot predict everything.
No one can predict the future. Life can be filled with unexpected twists and turns. Fear of uncertainty about the future can cause pauses. But we need to embrace uncertainty that can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.
You do not need all the answers to move forward. The future will unfold as it was meant to.
Gentle Reflection
Before we move on, I would like to invite you to pause. Ask yourself:
- What am I holding onto that is weighing me down?
- What would my life feel like if I released it?
- What is one thing I can begin letting go of today?
How to Begin Letting Go
Letting go of the things that rob us of our peace requires us to make an effort. Here are a few ways.
Begin by starting small. Choose one thing to let go of. Choose the thing that you feel you can easily conquer. Having a small win under your belt will give you an incentive to tackle the others.
Another way to let go is to journal your thoughts. Journaling is cathartic. It supports self-reflection and self-awareness. Journaling allows you to understand your patterns, triggers, and emotional responses, which can lead to personal growth and better decision-making.
Practice acceptance instead of resistance. Accept that things may not turn out the way you planned. Release the idea that everything must be picture perfect. Be present for the life you have now.
Give yourself grace. You will not be able to do this overnight. It may take time to let go of the things that no longer serve you.
Letting Go Creates Space for Peace
Letting go is not about giving up; it is about freedom. Freeing yourself from the things that weigh you down makes room for peace that gives true liberty.
When you hold onto overthinking, needing to control everything, people-pleasing, past mistakes, comparison, and toxic relationships, they take up space that could be filled with peace, joy, and new opportunities.
When you let go, you give yourself permission to move forward. You can only grow when you stop clinging to the past.
You do not have to carry everything.
You do not have to hold it all together.
Release what is heavy.
Keep what brings you peace.
Let go.
If you’re ready to begin cultivating it more intentionally:
• Download the 30-Day Gratitude Journal and start tending your heart daily.
• Join our email community for encouragement, tools, and gentle reminders to live intentionally.
• Share this post with someone who needs to release and breathe.
We are building something beautiful here; a space where peace is practiced, gratitude is honored, and contentment is possible.
And I’m so grateful you’re on this journey with me.
Reflect. Give Thanks. Rejoice.
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